Ready to Say What I Want

 

aerial10-2014

I turned 29 this week!!! I celebrated my birthday by taking time for myself and doing a couple of my favorite things: yoga, massage, a therapy session, lunch with my hubby, and wings and beer with friends. My therapist said that many people would be reluctant to come to therapy on their birthday. But, I always felt like therapy was a treat– a massage for my insides. After I leave our sessions, I always feel like shouting, “Therapy is my favorite thing, ever!!!!” But I restrain myself, and just leave with a smile and the newfound weightlessness that I usually have after a good session.

I started going to counseling after reconnecting with my bio family to help me process all of the intense emotions involved in that experience. At the outset, I didn’t feel like I needed to address the issues I had from growing up with an adoptive father who had a lot of anger issues– but this past session a few things came to the surface. I started the session talking about how I get really anxious talking in social situations–even about benign stuff like saying what kind of music I like, or my opinion on just about anything. I was scared to reveal too much to show my true self and to show how I was really feeling.

So, I used the EFT* tapping technique during the session to work through the stress I felt when talking to people. As I was working through this technique, I realized that I was afraid to talk to people because I was afraid that people would judge me or think I was a terrible person. During the tapping sequence, an old memory came to the surface of when I was little. My adoptive dad yelled a lot when I was little. Upon recalling this memory and making the association between my past experiences and my current state, I actually started crying. And amazingly, my tears brought an incredible release. I immediately felt a breakthrough. It was cathartic to realize why I became so anxious in social conversational situations. And I felt an amazing sense of peace and clarity in realizing where my anxiety stemmed from. After this amazing realization, I felt like I could really embrace the fact that I could say what I want to say–when I want to say it. And no one can stop me!

My new mantra is this: I am free to say what I want to say. I have a voice. And I need to use my voice. I need to be free to show my true self to the world. If I am not myself, who will be able to be me to the world? I want to leave my thumbprint on the world. If I don’t, no one else will be able to. No one else can make the difference that I am supposed to make in the world. Because no one else can be who I am meant to be. At 29 years old, I am ready to live, breathe, and speak my true self like I never have before. I am no longer content just being muted and subdued because that’s not really who I am. I’m ready to say what I want to say.

 

*If you would like more information on the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) you can check out www.thetappingsolution.com. It’s been an invaluable resource for me in processing all of these new emotions and reducing overall stress.

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